I have been unable to cry—
Two years have passed, and still,
I cannot grieve or wail,
Cannot pour my heart out into the emptiness.
Two years gone by, and still, I have not cried.
I sit alone,
Curling into myself,
Holding tight in a fragile embrace.
I sink so low, wishing I could release
The storm inside,
To set my spirit free.
But the tears do not come.
Not because I will them not—
But because they will not.
I pray for freedom
From these sad, terrible emotions,
This aching void that opened
When I lost you.
I do not know how long it will take
For release to come,
Do not know when or how
This grief will flee and free me.
But I pray it is soon.
I pray for my heart,
Tired and afraid to love,
Bruised and unable
To let anyone too close.
I just can’t.
I find myself searching,
Scrolling through her Instagram,
Praying to God she picks up the phone
And calls me.
These past two years,
I have lived in a delusion,
Wondering how she is,
If she thinks of me too,
If she feels as shattered as I do
On those long, empty days
When all I wish is to be near her.
I often wonder
If she waits for a call from me,
The way I wait for one from her.
But I do nothing but wonder—
I cannot find the courage to dial her number.
Not because I am a coward,
Or afraid to face what must be faced,
But because I do not know how to—
I have never felt such love,
Only to be cast aside,
Pushed away, lost.
And so I wait—
Hoping one day,
These tears will come,
And with them,
The release I so desperately seek.
MikeTsatsu 